


Estevez's Slightly Improbable Survival

by oneorangeshoelace



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016), Doctor Who
Genre: Gen, Post-Canon Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-18
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-09-25 06:58:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9808307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oneorangeshoelace/pseuds/oneorangeshoelace
Summary: Estevez dies. Then he wakes up. Then some weird British dude tries to explain why Estevez is in a different body now and tries to get him to go with him. The whole thing is, somehow, totally unrelated to Dirk Gently.





	

Estevez wheezed as consciousness flooded back in. He sat up. He was still on the floor of the police station. The goddamn idiot who had shot him was gone, and the place was eerily quiet and empty.

                He was in a pool of his blood. He knew, factually, that it had to be his own blood. He also knew, factually, from his work as a police detective, that there was no way a human being could lose as much blood as he now saw on the floor and still be alive.

                Um…okay. Well. He took stock of his faculties. He felt—pretty good, actually? Losing that much blood should make someone feel a little bit woozy, like he had witnessed with Dirk Gently not that long ago, but he felt fine.

                Wait, had the situation with Dirk Gently not been that long ago? How long had he been out? He pulled his phone out to check. It wasn’t dead, so it’s not like he had been there for days, and—three hours had passed. Okay.

                Wait, no. He had been shot multiple times. Should he—shouldn’t he be seeking medical attention? Shouldn’t his body _feel like_ he should be seeking medical attention? He felt down his torso. He felt the holes in his shirt where the bullets had ripped through, and beneath the holes—nothing. Well, not nothing, that was the problem. What was beneath the holes in his shirt was a complete absence of bullet holes in his skin.

 _What? How?_ He looked down to see if that gave him any answers, and almost shouted out loud. The hands that were feeling his shirt, the hands that his brain had given signals to move to touch his shirt, were _definitely not his fucking hands._ He pulled them away and raised them closer to his face. Still not his hands. Where was the scar he had gotten when he and Zimmerfield (oh, god, Zimmerfield) had tried to jump a barbed wire fence? And his nail beds weren’t that short or wide, and, just—They weren’t his hands.

Estevez slowly came to realize that his body was not his body. He was—well, he was controlling it with his brain, which was good, but it wasn’t—the body he had been inhabiting for the last few decades—for as long as he could remember. God, God, had those freaks with the body-swapping machine gotten to him? How? Why would they put him in someone else’s body and then just put him back where they must have found him? He breathed in slowly through his nose and tried not to panic.

Suddenly, someone burst in through the door. _Oh, fuck._ Estevez thought about laying down and playing dead, but the new arrival had already seen him.

“Hello!” the person chirped. British. A friend of Dirk’s, maybe? They started weaving through the desks towards him. “I’m the Doctor. I don’t wish to alarm you, but, well, I sensed—well, really, my _machine_ sensed an energy signal that it was really not expecting, and it sent me here, and I was just wondering if you knew anything about—oh.”

The person—the Doctor—stopped dead in their tracks as they noticed the massive amount of blood soaked into the carpet around Estevez. “Oh, it was you, wasn’t it?” they breathed.  

“What was me?” Estevez asked, turning around to get a look at the stranger.

“Has this ever happened before?” the Doctor asked.

“I’m literally completely in the dark here. Has _what_ ever happened before?” Estevez said.

The Doctor glanced at the ceiling and then looked back at Estevez. “Have you ever died before?” he asked in a clear voice, clearly trying to sound calm.

Estevez scrambled to his feet. “Who are you?” he demanded.

“I’m the Doctor,” the man repeated warily.

“I know that. I mean who _are_ you? What are you doing here? What sent you? Where did my body go? What do you _mean_ have I ever died before? Most people only ever do that once. I assume you know that.”

The Doctor paused for a few seconds. “Come with me,” he said eventually.

“No,” Estevez said firmly, placing a hand on his gun.

The Doctor exhaled and raked his fingers through his hair. “I know a lot less about this situation than you must think I do. I don’t—I don’t wish to alarm you, but some beings, they have the ability to—when they die, they don’t die. They—it’s called regeneration. Our bodies change, but our consciousness remains mostly the same, and all our memories remain intact. In most ways, we remain the same being.”

“Does this have to do with Dirk Gently?” Estevez demanded.

The Doctor stood there looking lost for a moment. “…Who?” he asked eventually.

“Fine. Does it have to do with those body-swapping freaks, then?”

“I’m afraid I don’t know who you’re talking about,” the Doctor confessed.

“The—the hippies! In the zoo warehouse, with the Corgi, and Lydia Spring—”

“Listen, I am very much not from around these parts, so I need you to realize that I have _absolutely no clue_ what you’re talking about. I’d be willing to hear more about it, and maybe help you with it, but I have absolutely no extra information about it.”

“Wow,” Estevez said. “Sorry, just—every weird thing that’s been happening to me lately has been connected to that. So it’s kind of weird to have a weird thing that isn’t. Actually, it’s kind of extra weird.”

“Weird tends to happen a lot around me,” the Doctor said cheerfully. He put his hands in the pockets of his trench coat and looked at Estevez. Estevez made it clear that he was waiting for the Doctor to speak. The Doctor made it clear that he was waiting for Estevez to speak.

Finally, Estevez sighed. “Do you know what happened to my body?” he asked quietly.

The Doctor nodded solemnly. “I think I do.”

“Is it gone?”

“I’m afraid so.”

Estevez’s new face crumpled a little bit.

“I’m sorry,” the Doctor said. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Estevez said automatically, trying not to cry. “It’s just been a really hard week, man.”

“Will you please come with me?” the Doctor said. “I think I have a lot to tell you, and that you have a lot to tell me. And, well, I don’t know what happened here, but if someone tried to kill you, I don’t know if this is a very safe place to be. Your body is in flux right now, and it’s better to be tucked away for a while. You need rest.”

Estevez considered his options. He really shouldn’t stay in the police station. He could go back to his apartment, but those goons probably knew where he lived…“Can I bring my gun?” he asked finally.

The Doctor winced. “I’d prefer if you didn’t.”

“But can I?”

The Doctor sighed. “Yes.”

“Okay,” Estevez said. “Where are we going?”

The Doctor’s face broke into a huge grin. “You’ll find out very soon,” he said. “Allons-y!”

This dude was really weird. But not as weird as a teenage girl who was a Corgi, or a Corgi who was a teenage girl, or a taser crossbow, or a room full of dead bodies inside a zoo, or anything else that had happened to him recently. Estevez followed him out of the police station.

**Author's Note:**

> Show: Your favorite character has died.  
> Me: PISH POSH
> 
> Um this is a really weird fix-it fic, where, I guess, Estevez is part Time Lord or something without knowing it. It doesn't really seem like this is impossible in the Dirk Gently universe, to be honest. 
> 
> This is probably going to be a one-chapter work unless someone begs me to write a chapter 2, or unless I beg myself to write a chapter 2.
> 
> Man, it's been literally five years since the last time I wrote a crossover, and I've literally never written a gen fic before. Feels good.
> 
> EDIT: I forgot I wrote a crossover of something else three years ago lmao not that anyone cares
> 
> As usual, feel free to come talk to me on tumblr. I'm oneorangeshoelace over there, too. Especially feel free to come talk to me if you love Estevez as much as I do.


End file.
